Posted: 06/01/2016 in Uncategorized

Happy new year 2016.

A round of applause everyone; To Kris Badd, he made me come out of my laziness induced retirement. not that he inspired me, just that, his writing skills are so poor I felt pity for y’all, if his was an attempt to get me writing again, it definitely worked. Kudos Kris, you are the man. Oh, and not forgetting Ezrer? Evra? Ezra? Ezrar? The negro with a divisive name that made him enemies left, right and center; he’s been called a goon, a mole, a spy, an infidel, an outsider, a goat, a sheep, a cow, a zebra, a donkey, a cat, a dog, a hen, any domestic animal you can think of really, but he’s persevered proving to be brutish and strong willed(he has a lot of character, lol). Anyway, Ez-something went back to my older articles(gaddamit they were horrible!! and this one should be as horrible as well….. Still, they take a load of dump on Badd INC) and had me laughing, so I said let me take another dip and try my hand again.

The bulletin’s editor moved to Mombasa, it’s been a great year here, but it would be wrong to not mention the time spent in Kisumu with people likeSande, Kamwenji, Steve, Jonte and whoever else we watched the matches with, both cities my only friends have been kopites thanks to the group, thanks to the family.

Recent rumours indicate that talks are at an advanced stage to have Shutah Ole Muy is reinstated in whatsapp after he unceremoniously quit and walked out after a few disagreements with Samburger Wanjere in regards to the leadership status of Ruminant-Fat inc. Principal owner Samburger has refused to speak to the press claiming that he has ‘a lot on his plate’, while the sought after former chair; Shutah has only been giving veiled subliminal messages aimed at their former henchman Mjei, who’s too drunk to get them.

Elsewhere in malindi, a delegation of Kopites led by Duncan, Mose Kagzand the ever cheerful Angie were hosted by the dangerous Lee Victor(and this next name says it all) Bauer ushered in the new year in a party marred with alcohol and illegal substances along Kenya’s coastline, it is rumoured that Fat Kago; as he is fondly known by his peers, drowned inside the Indian ocean as he was trying to show off set of skills to the women in attendance, Duncan ‘Gangsta’ Onsando sprung to action to rescue him before the waves also took their toll on him. Witnesses say that it took the efforts of one Angie Red to save both of the drug charged kopites while an on looking Bauer laughed his hat off. The streets of Malindi were painted while a few scuffles and fights were started by the enraged Duncan. At the end of the night Mose Kagz declared it a success. wild party.jpg

Elsewhere Marakwet superhero Lagat has opened an academy to teach people on how to bet on sport pesa and also take unnecessary screenshots of his 200kshs wins and anything that he decides to, “husifikirie hunaeza shindana na sisi” said a very confident multi personality disordered Lagat.
Congratulations are in order to one Álcoolita and Martin Mathu ‘Martho’ for the first Kopite child of the group.

Thanks again Kris & Ezr—-
Shoutout to Eskimo Kanye Thuo building igloos in the arctic, Karanja Kopite Josiah….. umbwa!! Kamwana John kumbe alitoka group??Ndonga na Humphrey, jifunzeni ball. Reuben King’ori for his world class nature tongue emoticon
Carol Kings nimekumiss. Hi Sophia!!
Huyu نور إبراهيم hujiskia sana.
Eltorros Bulletin



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