Fun Times

Posted: 19/11/2013 in Uncategorized

Once more, once again. The bulletin is back, we are sorry to have kept you waiting for as long as you have. We have been battling copyright issues with two copy cat publications that have since been defunct unlike The Eltorros bulletin that has withstood the test of time. The kshs.10 leaflets which were banned by the industrious government led by Sam Wanjere and Sidi Elizabeth has born fruit and those eyesores that members used to get are now a thing of the past, Sewer veteransKamwana and Kris have gone back to their daily routines although there is no guarantee that after this we will have heard the last of them.


Activities have been happening all over the place, fortunately or unfortunately with the same faces showing up, it can be a good thing but it can also mean that the more the same faces show up during games and activities, the more secluded new members become because there are those of us who talk on a daily basis, but we must also remember that some of us were once new to the group and hence knew no one, the thing is, we want to make this family as big as possible and you, you and you are welcome.

Speaking of activities, Kopites went to sagana to visit the orphans that they have been educating facilitated by the gigantic hearted John Irungu, a splendid occasion this was with food galore enough to fid 16 elephants and 3 Sam wanjeres, kopites ate to their fill, even the usually calm kopite fundi Sidi unbuttoned the bottom of her custom made liverpool blouse, Shutah Ole Muy the ruminant fainted after eating six plates of assorted goodies leaving Sam wanjere and the coach Jecque Mandingo grappling for the sufuria to the shock and dismay of the host the lovely madam. Once the food was finished, the kopites headed to a bar to watch Manchester united have their asses handed to them by West Bromwich Albion(pronounced Aljabion for some reason by commentators, this actually bothers me to no end). Here, Shutah woke up and declared himself hungry, proceeding to order three bowls of Gizzard soup before downing them in a few seconds at a separate table while his other half;Carol Kings eyeballed him in embarrassed fashion. When all this was over the jolly John Irungu gave a suggestion that there was a beauty pageant a few kilometers away – this is when the night officially began, at around 11pm.

The Kopites Arrived at the unknown luxurious venue that was packed near an area known as makutano and from here on out the show belonged to Liverpool Supporters Club Kenya. The kopites even invaded the catwalk runway as models were lining up while, an energetic Jim Guteta proceeded to escort all the models while Peter Njoroge became the chief photographer, Karanja Kopite pulled a few of the models off stage while Jecque Mandingo became a judge at the podium, if the music was deemed unsatisfactory to the kopites, the DJ had to change the music or risk the wrath of the kopites as Álcoolita and Carol Kings became contestants having photo sessions while being cheered on by the animated crowd

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the silently dormant members as Sam wanjere ran rampant all over the stage knocking off hooligans from the kirinyaga area off stage while Sidi kept insisting that she would love to have a swimsuit contest so that she could win it hands down, all this happened as the Manc Patrick and yours trully looked on in shock. When the event ended we were led to Thika to be hosted by Karanja at our beloved porkies pub where we ate 4-5 kilo’s of meat, a visibly shaken Manc Patrick was still in shock, he refused to eat the meat, but Sam was here to gulp it all down. I arrived home safely at 4am thanks to Jim Guteta.

Kitengela, the fastest growing urban centre in Kenya with its only rival being Ken Kägz and Kris Badd’s Mtwapa in Mombasa area, anyway we are not going to talk about demographics sijui geography and blah blah blah, i didn’t do that shit in high school. The Kopites arrived in kitengela to find our good friends Jim Guteta, Frankie LucasKefa Mutinda and others waiting to host us. Jim Guteta’s lovely wife had prepared a feast for the greedy kopites who this time included Sam’s rivals Reuben King’oriMose KagzPetero Kwisha ,Ekhafu K Fourty Seven and the person who epitomizes small frame big appetite philosophies; Muharram Sayyed Kop Master – The master part is a tittle given to ‘watu wa kupiga mpunga’ in mombasa. Before food was served, Mr. Guteta handed the Kopites a delicious looking cake cut in small pieces to which our friend Kefaproceeded to ‘kula ni kama mtu ana njaa ya mwezi’, other unsuspecting kopites took pieces, stories flowed and chelsea was beaten by Newcastle setting up for a perfect finale; if Liverpool won the game they would go to the top of the table – then it happend; “Kefa amechizi wasee, mpelekeni Hosi”, a bloodshot eyed Petero informed the kopites “aaaaaaiii, nipelekeni hosi, niko na card ya NHIF bana”, proclaimed a ‘shaking like leaf during fall’ Kefa, Jim Guteta handled the situation and prescribed milk and sleep for him as this was happening K fourty seven was churning out hits from his Mixtape ‘Cattle dip safi’ bellowing tunes to secluded visitors and neighbours, Alcoolita and Carol Kings together with a friend i had brought over; Ziga were playing Katii as Tush climbed atop the roofs like a monkey, Petero and Reuben were laughing their lungs out as Mose Kagz ate samosa after samosa leaving scraps to Peter Njoroge while Karanja Kopite walked around without a shirt trying to impress the girls with his muscles(cough) occasionally coming back once in a while to check if the meat was ready, all this before the Arsenal game had started, by the time the Arsenal game had started, we saw the match but we did not watch it. We would like to thank Mr. Guteta for hosting us and the awesome memories we walked away with on that blessed day.

Thika town, by now Kopites cautious in whatever they did thanks to their previous out of towncapades visited Thika for Karanja Kopites big day, this time misbehaviour was kept to a minimum until it reached times for clubbing, this time it was not the kopites who misbehaved but the Thika girls who were all over the place each one after the other trying to impress the Thika veteran Yoseh who ignored them like flies on a cow. All in all everything went well and we are looking forward to having more trips, one never gets bored and if you do we ndio unabore.

Congratulations Mr. Karanja Kopite

I do not mention Schmucks.
Peace out
Mjei umepotea unahata mob.

El-Torros Bulletin
Fun times Edition

  1. Martin says:

    wow, the season that was to be! Nice, wild night!

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