Critics Edition

Posted: 02/07/2013 in Uncategorized
‘There’s only one Jamie Carragher’ this was what rang out from the kop-end around the 75th minute as Liverpool fc dug the heels and got stuck in before grinding out a win against juggernaut in Tottenham hotspur; This got me thinking, there has never been a time that our Jamie has been linked with a move out of the Kop, he is Liverpool through and through, no imitations, certainly not Dawson….. my point is there is only one Eltorros bulletin, Kris Badd may have wrote somethin long and to some extent tissue-paperable in an attempt to emulate the world class bulletin but fell flat on his face. The world renowned drug addict recently took a swipe at the Bulletin’s editor by trying to compare him to another LSCK drunkard that we shall mention later on; claiming that editor of the bulletin/LSCK team coach recently led a session while drunk, this was a rumour started by a few disgruntled, jealous and indisciplined players like Jakalkali coupled onlookers with a telescope like Ezrer Evra Coaches and the new father Moses ‘Mest’ Kimotho who have been putting up bids to unsettle this group of players who have been assembled without a budget. The Bulletin’s editor volunteered his services at no fee in order to lend his tactical acumen to technicaly poor players like the above named jack and also to teach them his attacking philosophy.
THEY ARE BACK!!! More members, sharper claws and a bigger network than what we had thought. who? LSCKWA, our very own Wolfpack!! This time we have people like Akasha Starrdust Madawa, Kefa Mutinda, K Fourty Seven and Ken ‘dashing’ Kagz being the most aggresive although it is rumoured that the want to rebrand by renaming themselves the Livhyena club though there are members opposed to that name since it is an independent entity from #teammafisi on twitter. Their recent activity was fueled with the introduction of a new kopite diva Mj Joan where the following words were hurled between them ‘Eiiiiish Joan… Mtoto wa watu si amenawiri serious.’ this came from an excited Akasha. ‘Welcome mj nyc name.’ said an expectant Kefa while ‘kama uko na dame,jitoe kwa hii updt…ma bachelor tubaki’ snarled a ‘Bullish’ K47 while the Dashing man Kagz had this to say ‘Nye nye nye hata hamna adabu.Nani amewapa kazi ya kukaribisha madem hapa,midomo ifungwe.MJ my name is KEN and am dashing….welcome.YNWA’. Rumour has it that the wolves have held talks with yellow pages kenya in order to search for ‘liver-birds’. only time will tell how far the wolves are willing to go.

Recently a dinosaur by the name of tushasaurus muyanodactaur was discovered in the outskirts of Nairobi right next to the Thika road super highway in a fossilized vehicle it used to travel in scientificaly named the Legasubarublackin this has gone on to prove that indeed it is not humans but a dinosaur that invented the wheel ; a herbivorous animal in nature known to survive on a plant found in pre-historic times known as the miraatropelin that is now extinct though it belonged to the same family of what nocturnal creatures have made into their own delicacy now known as khat, or miraa. The Tushasaurus is was well known for traveling great distances in order to satisfy its miraatropelin cravings but mostly to the west of the land at a park named lunar. More to come from this wonder of nature as scientists make more discoveries.

Matters fantasy; Real Da Iceberg has kept pulling away from the chasing pack as he tightened his grip on the seat while early pace setter Jim Guteta Kahuna has fallen away at an astonishing rate although rumour has it that his players are fed up of his tactics and quite a few have opted out of the team choosing not to perform while the team’s fans are calling for his head. When asked about his poor performance kahuna lashed out by saying ‘Oh, bado hio kitu huexist?’ trying to sound cocky ‘wacha nifungue saa hii nicheki’. we wish him all the best. Elsewhere Kelvin suarez Oyugi has cemented the number 30 position and made it his own, ‘mimi nimeshinda watu 18, hakuna kitu munaeza niambia’ watu kama Moha ni wanoma kuniliko lakini siogopi mtu’ said confident Kelvin.

Tomorrow we head to kitengela bitchezzzzzzzzzzz
i leave u with a quote from a very famous philosopher.
“kumeumana” – David Mgay

sayanora y’all
Jumaa Karim
Mabrook

Eltorros bulletin
Critics edition

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