Anonymous Edition

Posted: 23/12/2012 in Uncategorized
‘Aire rasta sellasie i, Jah fire burn inadi place san bistro passie!!’ proclaimed one Liverpool Rastafarian female fan, this was way back after the young Reds had fought to a 1-all draw against an expensively assembled Chelsea team, the visibly stoned kopite diva also had one piece of advice to the lady of the day; Sidi whom the Eltorros Bulletin would once again like to wish a happy birthday, the stoned kopite wanted Sidi to be advised ‘man like Eltorros, when u write your bulletin, tell Sidi not to blow candles, she should blow weed to be most high lookin pon be claaat like me, popopopopopopo’

Reports that Lions in Kitengela are now an endangered species are doing the rounds among the media after it emerged that one blood drinking Ero keeps killing them so that he can use their blood to dilute his changaa, it is also alleged that before killing the lions he ties them up and beats them into submission so that he can literally drink ‘machozi ya simba’, we have reasons to believe that this ero, is also known to many by his secret identity as 2crate, the Ero appeared at San Bistro in traditional Maasai attire with a ‘Njora’ and a jerry can containing a thick red liquid(your guess is as good as ours concerning this) and he was almost turned away at the entrance only for one terrified watchman who may have heard about his huntcapades to whisper something into the ears of the watchman who was blocking his way in. “letea mimi tasika, alafu changanya na hii…” he said to a shellshocked Agatha.

The greediest man in buru buru contest was recently held and your guess is as good as mine who won this contest, afew contestants may have tried to compete but the day belonged to a man who has been tested and has withstood the test(taste) of delicious cholesterol enriched foods. His Button ripped shirts and increasing size are a statement that he will not relent. Greedy1The Eltorros bulletin would like to congratulate this greedy man because we believe that the reds are winners in whatever field we choose to participate in. The greedy man is also a part time blogger with his own daily(this I know since my email inbox is full of alerts informing me that his daily is out.
One very prominent member has notably gone missing from the group, the member, a short ruminant with a knack of farting himself in and out of trouble has reportedly farted himself away from the group. Reports suggest that he is away on a trip in Nyeri to pay homage to the Rastafarian weed smoker mentioned in the first paragraph…… or so we are led to believe. In the underground illegal market, word has it that ruminants enjoy eating hay from a specific zone in Nyeri and that it comes with a high that will see you orgasm for a few minutes, any observer with an ultra violet light will notice that these ruminants’ pants are usually stained with whitish elements on their pelvic and groin area. It is due to his underground dealings that the ruminant has kept away from facebook because he is being pursued by the long arm of the law although when he hears of this article, the ruminant will definitely be on the move; meanwhile we are sure he will be using his short arm in some under trouser dealings.
Nairobi dentists are now turning away a man with a big mouth making bitch moves, unable to mind his own business and fighting a losing battle with alcoholism. The kibogoyo troll who resides in a cave and only comes out at night pretending that he suffers from insomnia yet it is well known that he is infact a different kind of species; that is actually nocturnal and shuffles between the coast province and Nairobi province riding on whoever has space on his dick. It is alleged by dentists that the toothless dick rider only goes to sessions looking for laughing gas which is said to go well with Thimbigwa special brews, but concerned kopites like the Editor of the Eltorros bulletin would like to see him make changes in his life…. Starting with reduction of his breast size and re-installing of his manhood which is believed to have been given up…. For a beer.

A well known bull fighter promoter is now in Bungoma organizing for the mother of all bull fights, the rapper whom we recently did a feature on about his inspirations and aspirations recently told the world how he had put his education on hold, opened a studio and reared a few bulls for fighting and now he is well on course to finish his education. The veterinary major student who recently released a track titled winner in dedication to his bull defeating the most feared bull in western province and to do with it he also released limited edition t-shirts from his ‘zizi moja’ clothing line, hurry while stocks last.

Lastly the editor of the Eltorros bulletin would like to wish all members of LSCK and readers of this article wherever you are, a merry Christmas and a prosperous year. To those nimekosana nao this year whether personally or just hivi hivi ama wale hujam na kile mi huandika kwa group…… Ketia kidole!!

keep calm
  1. Njoro says:

    hehehehe….the last part..cheers…

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