chronicles, conspiracies, feuds…… and idiots

Posted: 08/11/2012 in Uncategorized
Omondi ongoja buana, ukitembea haraka sana mimi tapoea buana’ said an ecstatic but negative minded kopite who showed up at san bistro wearing a green Jersey. tutembee lakini because tukipanda matatu mimi siwesi jua mali niko alafu mimi taenda nyumbani aje’. Dicky wasnt happy with this arrangement, he agreed but while gritting his teeth, ‘Ndio ile Muthurwa, sasa ata ukawacha mimi hapa, mimi iko sawa, lakini tuiende sani bisri’
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Big Sam had just finished chomping down a burger that he had hoped the toothless Mjei would decline since he, ‘u know what i always say?’ asked a happy, full-mouthed sam, ‘the way to happiness is food, so laugh and grow fat…. after eating!!’ before he flung his head back and laughed away a reverbing hearty laughter. ‘we have to stop Eltorros before they exposes us,’ ‘but how? he seems to have an informant among us,’ said shutah Ole Muy,’and i suspect it might be you mjei!! ‘me??!!’ Mjei said,’i would never betray u guys, i swear it upon my broken tooth’ he cried ‘and why would u accuse me of betraying y’all?? i heard that u even accompany the editor to Ingwe matches, brrr(as shutah is known in his circle of friends)’. It took the intervention of father abraSam the greedy to avoid an altercation between smiley and greeny. The conglomerate of sinners, as they are now known(proposed by Mwangi who they haven’t met in the past few weeks since shit hit the fan when they burned down the bulletin’s offices. They resolved to carry out investigations by seeking who the mole between them is, the offender will be killed.

 
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Bodaboda rider Lyatuu Cornel Andrew admitted that he may be in nairobi soon to see the family, he admitted that he would come accompanied with bananas and Enguli, or waragi whichever he see’s fit. The Butunda(muratina) drinker was recently absent on a noticable level, only returning with a poetical post involving how he wants to see the ladies who should welcome him on his arrival. the Chauvinistic crown prince of Toro also ordered the ladies in question; who declined to be mentioned, to wear informal and inappropriate dressing, it should be remembered that Lyatuu, a radical member of the wolfpack LWSCK(liverpool wolves supporters club Kenya) is a specialist in Mubobobo <—— this you can google and find out what it is.
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It was Bull fighting season and a proud K Fourty Seven was once again touted as the succesor of Bonny khalwale as the promoter of bull fighting, even going as far as promoting afew bull fights and promptly naming his favourite bull after himself(his bull was promptly beaten half to death but that is another day’s story…….) ‘i have been in this game for years, which is why i am strong and through this i developed my rapping skills through the inspiration from these beasts locking horns, the first song i did years back ‘horny’ was in tribute to these beasts that i love so much, if the name ‘Eltorros’ hadnt been taken, that would certainly be my alias.’ said a beaming K. Kfourtyseven is ofcourse the hitmaker of the singles ‘Ngombe’ ,Burdizzo and smash hit ‘ndume’ which features vocals from song bird Nyota ndogo. He plans on releasing his album ‘fahali wawili’ later on in the year as well as his clothing line ‘zizi moja’ all the best from the eltorros bulletin.
 
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Elsewhere Ynwa Wambui-Jay’s bid to take over rumour and rumourer associates was rebuffed after he had tried to do some insider trading by being involved with Kelvin Suarez Oyugi‘s Rumour za uwongo company LTD. Rumour and rumourer principle owner Xavier Lutta together with Chairman Suso Pelosi were left fuming after it was revealed that Wambui had attempted to cause a fall in their stock by claiming that Lutta and Suso would only be involved in telling the truth. The seasoned liars released a statement branding wambui a pauper who had no experience at all in the world of rumours, they also scoffed at the fact that Oyugi was said to be making a bid to come back into the rumour game claiming that he was washed out and his only moment was when dempsey did not sign for liverpool, they also threatened to give insider dealings on Oyugi’s personal life, who is rumoured to have a loose bladder when he catches fourty winks.

Elsewhere, Hussein Issack Fabisch Twahir Muhiddin has admitted to not know where he lies, he is a self confessed follower groupie of twahir muhiddin and reinhard fabisch. it is a well known fact that these two had contrasting success
with the national team harambee stars. he also claims to be the chairman of the Kenyan Electoral body IEBC, we are now very perplexed awaiting clarification from him.

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our last paragraph is dedicated to those who think they can coach a team, those who think they are in melwood yet they only own a phone that has internet and each time the reds fail to achieve a result, they go uttering nonsense in the group like the stupid children they are. i was silent this week about your stupidity because it seem that you are now almost outnumbering the sensible members. all i can say is that this week my zipper was stuck and someone else needed to put something in your mouths.
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Can u digg it sukkkka
Eltorros bulletin

Peace

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Comments
  1. Sam Wanjere says:

    “…It was Bull fighting season and a proud K Fourty Seven was once again touted as the succesor of Bonny khalwale as the promoter of bull fighting, even going as far as promoting afew bull fights and promptly naming his favourite bull after himself(his bull was promptly beaten half to death but that is another day’s story…….) ‘i have been in this game for years, which is why i am strong and through this i developed my rapping skills through the inspiration from these beasts locking horns, the first song i did years back ‘horny’ was in tribute to these beasts that i love so much, if the name ‘Eltorros’ hadnt been taken, that would certainly be my alias.’ said a beaming K. Kfourtyseven is ofcourse the hitmaker of the singles ‘Ngombe’ ,Burdizzo and smash hit ‘ndume’ which features vocals from song bird Nyota ndogo. He plans on releasing his album ‘fahali wawili’ later on in the year as well as his clothing line ‘zizi moja’ all the best from the eltorros bulletin…” | 😀 LOL

  2. Coaches says:

    Hahahahahaha

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