The return, big hearts and the burning scandal

Posted: 23/10/2012 in Uncategorized
The Kind, caring, giving hearts of kopites, giving and never expecting anything in return, i wont even mention their names since they know themselves and its never good to blow people’s trumpets, anyway, y’all can blow my trumpet till your ears bleed.

The past three games have been good for LFC and this has contributed in fewer disagreements within the family and it seems that all is blissful for now as we enjoy this feelgood factor brought about by our first Anfield win of the season and Almeida‘s switch from villain to Gentleman has also not gone unnoticed

The El-torros Bulletin was undergoing renovations and transformation into a state-of-the-art facility as it had been burnt down to the ground by a syndicate afraid of the truth and concerned by the Bulletin’s rise from what they term as a mtaro newspaper into a world class journal able to brush shoulders with the New york times and the Daily Telegraph with world media moguls like Murdoch expressing interest in buying the Bulletin. The a fore mentioned syndicate as we had mentioned in our previous headlines led by an overweight Blogger and a Ruminant cud chewer with a failed music career in conjunction with a man rendered toothless and a drug addict who may have mistaken the editor for my Jicho pevu Namesake since he was caught in Mombasa old town doing drugs. the above mentioned four Sam Wanjere, ShutahOle Muyah, the toothless Mjei and the drug addict Mwangi Fangi have been issuing death threats and trying to tarnish the name of the editor but the Eltorros Bulletin is now a movement.
Investigations indicate that it all started when Mr. Wanjere in his home eating his fifth supper contacted Muyah who was inside his stable eating hay; asking for a meeting. the two then decided that since the bulletin was bent on exposing them and their activities decided to plot its downfall, they sought the services of a drunken toothless strategist now known to you as Mjei who introduced them to the Drug addict Mr. Fangi. Hidden cameras set up by the police and our journalists who had caught wind of the plot showed an agitated wanjere making his plans but the words they were saying could not be made out since there was some distortion, although Mjei is heard at some point asking for 5 shillings to go and buy cigarettes while Mwangi is heard saying ‘bana nina arosto sana, si tumalize meeting nikajibomb, ama tuchukue brake’
The Four then proceeded to the Shell petrol station at the valley road/kenyatta avenue bend and bought 15 liters of petrol, where Mwangi is seen inhaling fumes from the jerican they had while Mjei can be seen licking the jerican’s spills. It is from here on out that they decided to go underground only surfacing on the fatefull day that they burned down the Bulletin’s premises.Image

only shutah has been arrested after traces of his DNA came back positive on the ‘taxin’ that he dropped on the scene and the smell he left behind when he farted. David mjei has since disappeared to Mombasa and Mwangi is now somewhere in the middle-east, Mr Wanjere was held for questioning and evidence is yet to be found, although an overweight man was seen escaping from the scene and stopping afew times to catch his breath. Mr wanjere also called the editor yesterday to threaten him when he saw the truth was about to come out.
Reports from timers indicate that Kris Badd BecameGood ThenBaddAgain made an appearance at San Burners where he broke some chairs and tables in order to enhance his ‘Bad’ image, although a smart Mathu quelled this behaviour by simply telling him ‘kudish, hedi anakam,’ to which Badd man responded by running to his chair and pretended to be writing thinking the ‘headmaster’ of San Burners was on his way. we do not tolerate naughty behaviour at San Bistro.
Rumour has it that Xavier Lutta is on recess after a hot steamy weekend with his househelp and that is the reason why he has not yet surfaced the whole weekend, we hope and pray that all is well with him
Back to the good samaritan childrens home day; Godinho Williams was almost left by the vehicle that had ferried the group members to mathare after he lost his bearings in the city centre, he had to ask around for Muthurwa market; which according to him is the place where the city centre starts from, it is rumoured that a helicopter had passed overhead and Godinho followed it until he hit a wall only to realize that he had strayed from his path.


We are asking well wishers to come forward and offer Mr. williams atour of the city because as you know, Jogoo wa mashambani…..
On that bitter sweet day – Bitter because we saw the conditions that those children are living in, sweet because those children could afford to smile despite what they were going through and managed to warm our hearts, every kopite present was touched beyond measure. The day ended at Muharram‘s shisha place where Liverpool Kikuyu Supporters Club Kenya threatened to take over the day with the leader a certain Ruminant paroting everything that was being said and not to be left behind was K Fourty Seven who proceeded to introduce himself to the new comers in broken kikuyu. all in all it was a great day and we are looking forward to the next LFC event.

Anyway, the Eltorros Bulletin is also not appologetic in how long it has taken to come up with another article.

if you wanna know the art of war, dont start a war!!peace out.
  1. Sam Wanjere says:

    Sickeningly brilliant! Poor Goddy 😦

  2. Dadani Aadil says:

    hehehe…top quality nonsense!!!LOL

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s