the weekend that was….. game week one

Posted: 21/08/2012 in Uncategorized
‘Wooooo tumefunga, tumefunga!!’ said Álcoolita as she and Bettie B Jey embraced while jumping up and down, this is ofcourse after Zoltan Gera had scored a scorcher against liverpool, ‘ni nani huyo, ni suarez??’ an extatic Bettie asked right before they realized that it was liverpool who had infact conceded a goal…. U should have seen their faces turn blood shot red with embarrasment, so red was Bettie’s face that she camouflaged with my brand new jersey- acquired on the day at Muharram Sayyed Kop Master‘s place.

Rumour has it that Tush Ole Muyah was late because he was he was in court listening to a case involving murder, the aquited culprit in the case is a rumoured associate of Mr. Muyah, which obviously calls to question the integrity on our corridors of justice, how long will murderers be let free to roam the same streets that we roam?? How many gang and outlawed sect members are there in positions of power in this nation? ImageAside from that, a bullish Ole Muyah came by accompanied by his alter ego, Mr. Shutah Ole Muy whose presence did not help matters at all; with congestion at the San Banners kop end coupled with no ventilation he proceeded to ‘do the stinky leg’…. Stinkmeaner!!

Kelvin Suarez Oyugi has been advised to heavily invest in deodorant and towels;Image not even handkerchiefs after once again sweating his guts out during the game from start to finish making those around him uncomfortable with big gigantic beads of sweat formed around his head as he continuously rubbed them off with the sleeves of his jersey… Same as he did when he sneezed n wiped his nose.

Kenny Dalglish once again kept a close eye on suitors of his queen; Laylow Dalglish but the members of the LSCKWA were warded off although we doubt that had their uganda based member who we will not name here as Lyatuu would have made attempts at trying to make her his balu balu(valu valu??) together with Kriss Badd man, both of whom represent the radical arm of the group, we at El-torros bulletin think that they would have still failed. On a side note, the Editor-in-chief would like to thank the king for facilitating him with a matchbox to start a sportsman fire lollipop, he was desperate.

ImageGodihno Williams was left devastated because of the game…. Or so we thought, he was saddened that a Muharram had decieved him into thinking that there was a special offer of ‘buy a fanta and get half a loaf free attached with a blue-band kadogoo’ a balancing teared ‘Godie refused to answer our questions directing us to the waitress he had sent those goods. ‘Huyo amekasirika mpaka anataka kunipiga bwana’ she said. A hungry man is an angry man, u best believe that.

Another late arrival at the game was on Sam Wanjere who by the looks of things had gained a pound or five, ‘nimetoka gym’ he claimed, ‘labda ya kukula’ an unidentified member hiding in the background exclaimed. An infuriated ‘father Abraham’ was seen taking out a burger from his bag before proceeding to chomp it down in a matter of seconds, it was a brutal sight.Image

Away from the happenings in san banners, we would like to announce the resurfacing of Mr. David Mjei Mliverpool who was last spotted at a mnazi den in Mombasa,Image sources inform us that he waited tables in order to get revenues to facilitate his drunken behavior, it has become a part of the LSCK’s concern to hold an intervention for the broken toothed kopite and bring him to terms with life as he has repetedly refused to listen to advice from fellow kopites as it was thought that he would atleast keep away from Thimbigwa provision stores since he was in mombasa, we leave that job to Mombasa kopites like Ken Kagz.

Elsewhere, the loss suffered by Thika United is said to have had a reverberating effect on some members like yoseh mbuyu and Karanja Kopite Josiah who decided to stay away from our opening game at san Banners in order to avoid a tongue lashing from AFC Leopards fans who are still enjoying the feel good factor brought about by the ‘total football’ philosophy brought about by dutch tactician Wepukhulu Koops, Gor mahia fans like Dickson Omondi and the afrementioned mkate nusu gobbler, Godihno can only watch on in awe and jelousy as they revel in their unfairly acquired cup given to them by their 12th, 13th and 14th player; The ref and his two linesmen, during the weekend, kenyan football fans have gone on to agree that the first 3 players on the podium should have been the above mentioned after their ‘men of the match’ showings at extra time.

Elsewhere, the El-torros bulletin would like to slate the non believers, Imagethe members who keep slating our previous coach kenny dalglish, it has come to our concern that there are some people who do not see what kenny dalglish has done for this club that we love so much. non-educated members and bandwagon jumpers have proven to be disrespectful to the king, we duly want to advice them to get in contact with the Liverpool owners FSG and apply for the coach’s position. the non believers drew the following comments from kop diva Julia wanjeri, ‘The TOTAL BS thrown at THE KING in this group (a LIVERPOOL FC GROUP) of all groups always leaves me astounded & at times, speechless *SIGH*. Anyways, always a pleasure to see someone rise to the occasion & put the mudslingers in their place. So please, please never tire of doing this. I make a small salute every time you do it B-) *making a small bow* THANKS, mein. Thanks.’ This was ofcourse prompted after REAL DA ICEBERG had put one of the non believers in their place with the above statement, ‘WHY DON’T YOU FIND OUT WHO WAS IN CHARGE OF OUR LEGENDARY CLASS OF 87-88? THE SIDE THAT LAID DOWN THE BLUEPRINT FOR THE LIKES OF BARCELONA ACCORDING TO PEP’S WORDS… WHILE AT IT NAME FOR ME MANAGERS THAT HAVE WON THE LEAGUE WITH 2 DIFFERENT CLUBS…’

‘Education is key, after school get it from the world, if not funga hio mdomo usionyeshe watu we ni fala’- Moha Tairara IV

El-torros Bulletin
Response edition.


  1. karanja kopite says:

    hehe!!!tush alikuwa anado?lol

  2. Njorowalvpul says:

    LOL… And for sure mk mbele..

  3. mark chris says:

    great stuff….haaaha

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