Random report

Posted: 13/08/2012 in Uncategorized

The manager of Army of the pharaohs has assured fans that he is working round the clock to bring in more names into his roster for the new season ‘it takes a lot of work and concentration, buying 15 players with a budget of £100m is not that easy’ said Mr.Tairara, ‘we don’t have the funds that teams like Baba yao (managed by Kenjack Coates) have been given to splash out, but we are confident we will finish ahead of them’. his philosophy of playing 3-4-3 has been lauded by critics and fans alike since AOTP has a strict attacking philosophy and tactical discipline at the back by his three defenders; a philosophy that has seen him concede very few goals even though he almost never plays with defensive midfielders. Meanwhile managers like Kefa Mutinda of KefaKop are expected to be relegation threatened along with Karanja Kopite Josiah‘s Thika Kops, Graca‘s Alcohots and Lee Victor‘s Bauer. Hot favorites include The above mentioned two AOTP, Baba yao with dark horses FXL managed by LSCK rumour talisman Xavier Luttaand DADANILFC managed by the aforementioned Aadil Dadani. Eltorros Bulletin would like to wish every manager of the LSCK league good luck and to those who are yet to register register here:


Aside from fantasy issues, it has come to our close attention that former peacemakers John ‘Jt’ Thuku, who also manages an average team in the LSCK fantasy league; Invincibles d’JT and Biblical group father figure; Father ‘Sam Wanjere‘ Abraham went for each other’s throat after it was alleged that the former had inhaled substances unknown(rumour has it that it was polythene paper and house of Manji’s biscuits mixed with opium) and proceeded to try and urinate on father Abraham’s head on different posts, one such post was when he suggested the unification of Sam Wanjere and Julia Wanjeri. These events left Kelvin Suarez Oyugi baffled as he wanted to know what ‘Njei tee’ had abused so that he could have a ‘3rd eye’ in his quest for giving accurate rumours(we all know that he is one step away from being a discredited rumour monger; that is if Dempsey signs for Liverpool(it should be noted that as you read this article, Mr.Oyugi is profusely sweating) and the fact that father Abraham was engaged in a war of words which is as rare an occurrence as a scissors entering the beard of the Late Osama bin Laden. Julia Wanjeri had this to say: ‘Twololo’ before disappearing into the TV and reappearing as an American sprinter(hehehe).

Meanwhile, somewhere in a bar at the rift valley province, 2crate Frankie Lucas was spotted wondering out loud whether his phone is made for cyborgs, rabbits or coconuts….. his phone is an Ideos, that ‘Ideot’ should have known better(hehehe). In other unrelated news, John Nyakwar Odande confessed to being a tissue paper rewinder,’this method is really economical’, said a smiling Odande, ‘Ive used it for years.’ The El-torros bulletin will try and hold an interview for him to explain to us how he does this so called ‘rewinding’.

In other news, Moha Tairara IV has been confirmed the FIFA13 ‘man to beat’ after his skills were touted in a post by K Fourty Seven who wanted to know who the best FIFA player in the group is. Other mouthy characters such as Mark Muturi, Zebedee, yuyaz Bowwow and other second rate fifa players.

Finally, we would like to wish Yoseh Mbuyu and Karanja Kopite Josiah quick recoveries from their heart aches after their team Thika United was walloped by the best team in Kenya, the team that is one tittle win away from being outright record winners of the KPL, in other words, the greatest team in Kenya, AFC leopards.

We would like to appologize for the lack in quality content this week since y’all have been f**kin boring and drama-less, the El-torros Bulletin would once again like to Express no emotion at its delay of bringin out another issue, and once more declare that kama mulikua na haraka sana mungeandika yenu.

as Bright Nonoo would put it.
Hakuna Mbrrrrrrrrrrrrchaaaa
#toomuchmatatuFM is harmful for Rufus and Irungu. Kaiyabaaaaaaa

El-torros Bulletin
Random edition


  1. tivilicious says:

    hahahaha, shakin a kaiyambaaaaa for this post and lengaing the eeeeew part abt rewinding tisssue eeeewww
    I hate to do this but its apologize, no double p. no love lost though 😉

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